Sunday was a great day. Wonderful morning at church. Great afternoon with Shar's family. Small group that evening was relaxed and encouraging. It was a great day.
Worship at church is becoming so encouraging, with a new spirit pushing the family at Western Hills forward. God is changing us and I am really excited. Shar's family is always wonderful. Such a blessing to be near them. Small group was a meal together at church and some family prayer time. We prayed for the pregnancies in our group, the Meyer's babies, Jan M. and other concerns of ours. It is a challenge and a joy to pray with 9 kids under 4 in the room. Easter Sunday was a great day.
We came home and everything changed. Somewhere, Blake got sick. The first sign was him crying in a pool of spit-up about 12:30 Monday morning. Then again at 1:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m. He has been feeling yuck every since. The title of this blog comes from the stuff Shar and I have been cleaning the past few days. It's really sick.
This is my first time to have a sick child. I know that all you veteran parents have been through this exact drill, but when you do it for the first time it is different. To watch your toddler hurt, cry, suffer from fever, ache, vomit and just feel awful is really difficult. Blake can't get comfortable, does not want to eat, always wants his "mama" which is the only thing normal right now. It's just sad to watch.
I hate seeing Blake hurt. It makes me feel uncomfortable, because there is nothing I can do. I want to fix problems; typical guy. I need a solution. I don't have a great amount of patience. I want Blake well now. But he is still sick. We will be up most of the night changing dirty diapers and cleaning up spit-up. I really don't mind that part. I just wish this illness would pass now.
The Meyers had twins last week. The babies are doing really well, but have been in NICU since birth. The Meyers want their babies home now, but have to be patient and wait for healing to take place. The Meyers will freely admit that for NICU babies their's are great. The stories they share with us a really heart breaking.
So why am I complaining about a virus, vomit and 8 dirty diapers since I got home this evening? I'm selfish. I'm aware of the struggles and pain of others, but I can't really understand what they are going through. I haven't been there yet. I hope I don't have to.
When Blake gets well, and the Meyer babies come home, hopefully life will return to normal. Years from now when the kids are healthy and older this will just be a memory. I'm not sure if I'll remember Blake's first sickness. I'll most likely forget a lot of the discomfort he had as a child, and how it made me feel. I know there will be other pains in the future and I trust God to be in control of that, but when will it stop. When will this little boy become old enough to be on his own, both in his mind and in mine? Will that day ever come? For him, probably so. For Shar and I?????? Does a parent ever fully let go? Can they? How is the little boy, who tests me in so many ways, and who I've only known for 28 months (19 out of the womb) be so consuming of my heart? If I sit still and really think only about him, I could cry. When I see how he loves Shar, and how he kisses Kojie and plays with rocks and everything else he does, it amazes me that this is my son. Why God chose me is a mystery.
May God bless you and your families. May God answer your prayers. May we all be faithful with the gifts He has given us.